7 Guideposts for Cultivating Care
Cultivating self-care is an act of radical self-love.
It asks that we bravely honor the call we feel towards freedom, joy, wildness and self-expression. For those of us living in a culture that values what we do and produce above all else, it’s no easy thing to answer self-care’s call.
Here are seven ways to help you take profound care of yourself for a greater sense of presence, peace and power in your life.
1. Redefine self-care.
Self care is more than manicures, pedicures and facials. It’s more than eating a midnight bowl of ice cream or hitting the gym. Self care is the expansive act of embracing yourself fully, without reservation. It is the kind act of offering peace to your frazzled mind and acceptance to your depleted/tormented/shamed body. It is the wise act of giving compassion to your tender heart and the courageous act of giving voice to your awakening soul.
2. Invite quiet.
Close your computer. Stop scrolling Instagram. Hide from your family and just sit. Then breathe. Then notice. In this stillness is where you will feel the tug, the call, for what needs care in your life. (Of course, the alternative is to keep going full speed ahead until something catches fire and you're forced to stop.)
3. Quit the guilt.
There is nothing selfish, shameful, or indulgent about offering yourself care. That's just the all-American, individualist, capitalist ("We're only as a good as what we produce and consume") and patriarchal bullshit. All living creatures need rest, play, nourishment, and joy to thrive. You are no different.
4. Be unapologetic.
What might you do or say if you weren’t worried about being liked or hurting people’s feelings? You might set boundaries and reclaim your time. You might bravely fill your cup first and say what’s true without apology or asking for permission. You might even stop saying sorry for the things you need and recommit to what’s most important to you.
“Self care is the act of embracing yourself fully, without reservation; offering peace to your frazzled mind, acceptance to your depleted/tormented/shamed body, compassion to your tender heart, and voice to your awakening soul. ”
5. Reclaim your wildness.
After years of perfectionism, self-criticism and being hard on yourself, you’ve become stifled and brittle. Possibly edgy, short-tempered and even walled off. So, how do you reconnect and remember yourself? You shake out your hair and let it flow. You howl, dance, stomp and cry. You breathe in your power and breathe out your fire. You free the wild woman inside who’s only job is to feel, express, and push the edges of polite society. You show up, unguarded and unapologetic, willing to face what ever is here and eager for what's to come.
6. Set up support.
Care is communal. It requires that we surround ourselves with people who remind us to value ourselves as much as they value us (and themselves). Find the people who care about your care and then reach out. One of the bravest things you'll ever do is name the help you need and ask for it.
7. Circle back.
You're not always going to be able to take great care of yourself. Life happens, plans change, people get sick and need your help. And this doesn't mean you say FUCK IT and give up on yourself. It means you circle back, again and again, to reconnect to what's needed and…
…compassionately carve out space for yourself in your life.
If you enjoyed this post, please keep reading!
This conversation is between myself and an incredible woman named Ani, who shares how she learned how to be authentic, practice self-compassion, and take up space without guilt or shame through my 6-month group coaching program, Homecoming. Ani is a model for how to excavate internalized misogyny and live authentically without fear of others’ opinions. The conversation originally took place on my podcast, The Path Home.